It was on January 30, 2014 when the artist Hopsin failed to appear and perform at a show in Ft. Collins, Colorado. The concert was to present hip-hop artists: Hopsin, Dizzy Wright, Dj Hoppa and Black Pegasus. Disappointing many fans, Hopsin was nowhere to be found when the show began. News of his no show publicized quickly. The ingenious rapper had left his fans in the dust.
In his newly released song “Fort Collins,” Hopsin strongly expresses the struggles he was enduring just moments before his anticipated show in Colorado. He speaks of discouraging moments that lead up to his breaking point.
After speaking to the 29-year old artist, reporters claimed that Hopsin was going through depression and he needed to just get away, to escape. How is it possible that a multi-millionaire, hip hop artist can undergo depression? One may think, “Oh, but he has a slew of money and can do or go wherever he pleases. There is no room for unhappiness.” Unfortunately, no amount of money can prevent such mental illnesses, as seen in Hopsin’s case. Other famous artists are always seen partying, drinking and having a grand time. Why is Hopsin having difficulty living such a fun filled life? Maybe one can conclude that consistent partying and drug or alcohol consumption may just be an escape mechanism from a much bigger picture.
In Kiernan Maletsky’s article, Maletsky mentions that Hopsin does not do any drugs, alcohol or partying like most artists do. In that case, was it selfish for him to have fled his show that left many fans’ pockets empty? Maletsky goes on to say that Hopsin had promised his fans a free show in the near future to make up for his no-show.
Having been a victim of depression before, I can understand the mind set the notorious hip hop artist might have had days, even weeks before the show. The process can gradually worsen if no fix is applied. Being the soul wandering person he is, Hopsin just needed a break from all of the fame and glory. This was the fix he needed but had no spare time for it. Though the artist disappointed many, I know what it is like to have hit rock bottom and I argue that such an escape may have been what he needed before he could turn back around for the better.
Introducing the beginning of Hopsin’s “Fort Collins” song, he say, “I half-assed my album ‘cause I really didn’t know what I was rapping for.” One can infer that his motivation to pursue in his passion is lessening. WebMD claims that one symptom of depression involves a loss of interest in activities that once were enjoyable.
Later throughout the song, the artist exclaims that he was losing himself. He says, “I needed to go home and gather my thoughts. I didn’t want suicide as the result.” It is safe to say that Hopsin may have arrived at his all-time low, because the thought of suicide has entered his mind. Sure, having many fans who love you should be uplifting but at this point, Hopsin is finding difficulty in trying to figure out where he belongs and who he is as a person; therefore, entering the stage in front of millions of fans may not have been the most desirable atmosphere.
As the song progresses, the artist then states, “So the night at my Fort Collin’s show before I hit the stage, I left through the back for a walk.” Hopsin’s brief walk turned into a long one towards an abandoned house. He says, “I hated this rap shit and I hated my life. The spotlight does that when you can’t get out.” Being bottled up in an environment that does not let one breath can be overwhelming. When someone is widely recognized for his talent whether it be in music or acting, privacy becomes less occurring. I would have to claim that Hopsin is suffocating in his own fame. Spotlights are always on him, whether he is on tour or seen walking down the street.
Victims of such an illness may be able to relate to Hopsin, but what about the others who cannot? Dizzy wright is another rapper who was supposed to perform alongside Hopsin at the Fort Collin’s show. No one was aware of Hopsin’s disappearance until the show was ready to start. Dizzy Wright exclaims his confusion and worry for Hopsin’s whereabouts. Wright raps, “Now I don’t care that you left the show. I just wish you woulda let me know because I don’t know if you’ve been kidnapped…” Having to receive the dumbfounded glances from the fans and interrogations from nearby body guards, Mr. Wright was left to endure the feeling of rejection, humiliation and distress. Wright was responsible for speaking out to the fans and trying to justify Hopsin’s absence when he had no idea neither.
Dizzy goes on to mention how his feelings about Hopsin’s absence went from worried to mad since he was not answering anyone’s phone calls. Wright says, “Hop, the devil just testing you when Fort Collins got respect for you.” The chorus is heard one last time with Hopsin saying, “I might be crazy, living life like a circus ape that’s strapped in a car seat. And I’m hoping that ya’ll can forgive me. Fort Collin’s, I’m sorry.”
After hearing about his tragic journey, one can only hope the audience accepts Hopsin’s apology. Though it may be a difficult concept to understand, Hopsin’s means of coping with his dark situation was seemingly the only compromising way to have done it. Some may argue there could have been a different approach to the scenario. Maybe he could have waited until the end of the show to deal with his internal issues. With depression, the journey is not as cooperative as one may presume it to be. I can vouch for Hopsin and say that once someone reaches his or her breaking point, it is almost impossible to put it off for a more “convenient time.” Fleeing the show probably turned out to be more beneficial than not, for reporters claim that Hopsin is doing much better since his tragedy in Fort Collins, Colorado. After overcoming his melting point in life, Hopsin promises not to turn away any future shows.